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  Title: Prairie Folks

  Author: Hamlin Garland

  Release Date: February 27, 2007 [EBook #20697]

  Language: English

  *** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK PRAIRIE FOLKS ***

  Produced by Roger Frank and the Online Distributed

  Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net

  PRAIRIE FOLKS

  By HAMLIN GARLAND, AUTHOR OF "MAIN-TRAVELED ROADS," "A MEMBER OF THE THIRD HOUSE," "A SPOIL OF OFFICE," ETC., ETC.

  F. J. SCHULTE & COMPANY

  PUBLISHERS CHICAGO. M DCCC XCIII

  * * *

  Copyright, 1892,

  by HAMLIN GARLAND.

  ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.

  * * *

  Prairie Folks.

  Pioneers.

  They rise to mastery of wind and snow;

  They go like soldiers grimly into strife,

  To colonize the plain; they plow and sow,

  And fertilize the sod with their own life

  As did the Indian and the buffalo.

  Settlers.

  Above them soars a dazzling sky,

  In winter blue and clear as steel,

  In summer like an Arctic sea

  Wherein vast icebergs drift and reel

  And melt like sudden sorcery.

  Beneath them plains stretch far and fair,

  Rich with sunlight and with rain;

  Vast harvests ripen with their care

  And fill with overplus of grain

  Their square, great bins.

  Yet still they strive! I see them rise

  At dawn-light, going forth to toil:

  The same salt sweat has filled my eyes,

  My feet have trod the self-same soil

  Behind the snarling plow.

  * * *

  Contents

  UNCLE ETHAN'S SPECULATION 11

  THE TEST OF ELDER PILL 33

  WILLIAM BACON'S HIRED MAN 73

  SIM BURNS'S WIFE 101

  SATURDAY NIGHT on the FARM 142

  VILLAGE CRONIES 169

  DRIFTING CRANE 187

  OLD DADDY DEERING 201

  THE SOCIABLE AT DUDLEY'S 227

  * * *

  Part I.

  UNCLE ETHAN'S SPECULATION

  IN PATENT MEDICINES

  A certain guileless trust in human kind

  Too often leads them into nets

  Spread by some wandering trader,

  Smooth, and deft, and sure.

  * * *

  UNCLE ETHAN RIPLEY.

  Uncle Ethan had a theory that a man's character could be told by the way he sat in a wagon seat.

  "A mean man sets right plumb in the middle o' the seat, as much as to say, 'Walk, gol darn yeh, who cares?' But a man that sets in one corner o' the seat, much as to say, 'Jump in—cheaper t' ride 'n to walk,' you can jest tie to."

  Uncle Ripley was prejudiced in favor of the stranger, therefore, before he came opposite the potato patch, where the old man was "bugging his vines." The stranger drove a jaded-looking pair of calico ponies, hitched to a clattering democrat wagon, and he sat on the extreme end of the seat, with the lines in his right hand, while his left rested on his thigh, with his little finger gracefully crooked and his elbows akimbo. He wore a blue shirt, with gay-colored armlets just above the elbows, and his vest hung unbuttoned down his lank ribs. It was plain he was well pleased with himself.

  As he pulled up and threw one leg over the end of the seat, Uncle Ethan observed that the left spring was much more worn than the other, which proved that it was not accidental, but that it was the driver's habit to sit on that end of the seat.

  "Good afternoon," said the stranger, pleasantly.

  "Good afternoon, sir."

  "Bugs purty plenty?"

  "Plenty enough, I gol! I don't see where they all come fum."

  "Early Rose?" inquired the man, as if referring to the bugs.

  "No; Peachblows an' Carter Reds. My Early Rose is over near the house. The old woman wants 'em near. See the darned things!" he pursued, rapping savagely on the edge of the pan to rattle the bugs back.

  "How do yeh kill 'em—scald 'em?"

  "Mostly. Sometimes I"——

  "Good piece of oats," yawned the stranger, listlessly.

  "That's barley."

  "So 'tis. Didn't notice."

  Uncle Ethan was wondering what the man was. He had some pots of black paint in the wagon, and two or three square boxes.

  "What do yeh think o' Cleveland's chances for a second term?" continued the man, as if they had been talking politics all the while.

  Uncle Ripley scratched his head. "Waal—I dunno—bein' a Republican—I think "——

  "That's so—it's a purty scaly outlook. I don't believe in second terms myself," the man hastened to say.

  "Is that your new barn acrost there?" pointing with his whip.

  "Yes, sir, it is," replied the old man, proudly. After years of planning and hard work he had managed to erect a little wooden barn, costing possibly three hundred dollars. It was plain to be seen he took a childish pride in the fact of its newness.

  The stranger mused. "A lovely place for a sign," he said, as his eyes wandered across its shining yellow broadside.

  Uncle Ethan stared, unmindful of the bugs crawling over the edge of his pan. His interest in the pots of paint deepened.

  "Couldn't think o' lettin' me paint a sign on that barn?" the stranger continued, putting his locked hands around one knee, and gazing away across the pig-pen at the building.

  "What kind of a sign? Gol darn your skins!" Uncle Ethan pounded the pan with his paddle and scraped two or three crawling abominations off his leathery wrist.

  It was a beautiful day, and the man in the wagon seemed unusually loath to attend to business. The tired ponies slept in the shade of the lombardies. The plain was draped in a warm mist, and shadowed by vast, vaguely defined masses of clouds—a lazy June day.

  "Dodd's Family Bitters," said the man, waking out of his abstraction with a start, and resuming his working manner. "The best bitter in the market." He alluded to it in the singular. "Like to look at it? No trouble to show goods, as the fellah says," he went on hastily, seeing Uncle Ethan's hesitation.

  He produced a large bottle of triangular shape, like a bottle for pickled onions. It had a red seal on top, and a strenuous caution in red letters on the neck, "None genuine unless 'Dodd's Family Bitters' is blown in the bottom."

  "Here's what it cures," pursued the agent, pointing at the side, where, in an inverted pyramid, the names of several hundred diseases were arranged, running from "gout" to "pulmonary complaints," etc.

  "I gol! she cuts a wide swath, don't she?" exclaimed Uncle Ethan, profoundly impressed with the list.

  "They ain't no better bitter in the world," said the agent, with a conclusive inflection.

  "What's its speshy-ality? Most of 'em have some speshy-ality."

  "Well—summer complaints—an'—an'—spring an' fall troubles—tones ye up, sort of."

  Uncle Ethan's forgotten pan was empty of his gathered bugs. He was deeply interested in this man. There was something he liked about him.

  "What does it sell fur?" he asked, after a pause.

  "Same price as them cheap medicines—dollar a bottle—big bottles, too. Want one?"

  "Wal, mother ain't to home, an' I don't know as she'd like this kind. We ain'
t been sick f'r years. Still, they's no tellin'," he added, seeing the answer to his objection in the agent's eyes. "Times is purty close, too, with us, y' see; we've jest built that stable "——

  "Say, I'll tell yeh what I'll do," said the stranger, waking up and speaking in a warmly generous tone. "I'll give you ten bottles of the bitter if you'll let me paint a sign on that barn. It won't hurt the barn a bit, and if you want 'o, you can paint it out a year from date. Come, what d' ye say?"

  "I guess I hadn't better."

  The agent thought that Uncle Ethan was after more pay, but in reality he was thinking of what his little old wife would say.

  "It simply puts a family bitter in your home that may save you fifty dollars this comin' fall. You can't tell."

  Just what the man said after that Uncle Ethan didn't follow. His voice had a confidential purring sound as he stretched across the wagon-seat and talked on, eyes half shut. He straightened up at last, and concluded in the tone of one who has carried his point:

  "So! If you didn't want to use the whole twenty-five bottles y'rself, why! sell it to your neighbors. You can get twenty dollars out of it easy, and still have five bottles of the best family bitter that ever went into a bottle."

  It was the thought of this opportunity to get a buffalo-skin coat that consoled Uncle Ethan as he saw the hideous black letters appearing under the agent's lazy brush.

  It was the hot side of the barn, and painting was no light work. The agent was forced to mop his forehead with his sleeve.

  "Say, hain't got a cooky or anything, and a cup o' milk handy?" he said at the end of the first enormous word, which ran the whole length of the barn.

  Uncle Ethan got him the milk and cooky, which he ate with an exaggeratedly dainty action of his fingers, seated meanwhile on the staging which Uncle Ripley had helped him to build. This lunch infused new energy into him, and in a short time "Dodd's Family Bitters, Best in the Market," disfigured the sweet-smelling pine boards.

  * * *

  Ethan was eating his self-obtained supper of bread and milk when his wife came home.

  "Who's been a-paintin' on that barn?" she demanded, her bead-like eyes flashing, her withered little face set in an ominous frown. "Ethan Ripley, what you been doin'?"

  "Nawthin'," he replied, feebly.

  "Who painted that sign on there?"

  "A man come along an' he wanted to paint that on there, and I let 'im; and it's my barn, anyway. I guess I can do what I'm a min' to with it," he ended, defiantly; but his eyes wavered.

  Mrs. Ripley ignored the defiance. "What under the sun p'sessed you to do such a thing as that, Ethan Ripley? I declare I don't see! You git fooler an' fooler ev'ry day you live, I do believe."

  Uncle Ethan attempted a defense.

  "Well, he paid me twenty-five dollars f'r it, anyway."

  "Did 'e?" She was visibly affected by this news.

  "Well, anyhow, it amounts to that; he give me twenty-five bottles"——

  Mrs. Ripley sank back in her chair. "Well, I swan to Bungay! Ethan Ripley—wal, you beat all I ever see!" she added in despair of expression. "I thought you had some sense left, but you hain't, not one blessed scimpton. Where is the stuff?"

  "Down cellar, an' you needn't take on no airs, ol' woman. I've known you to buy things you didn't need time an' time 'n' agin, tins and things, an' I guess you wish you had back that ten dollars you paid for that illustrated Bible."

  "Go 'long an' bring that stuff up here. I never see such a man in my life. It's a wonder he didn't do it f'r two bottles." She glared out at the sign, which faced directly upon the kitchen window.

  Uncle Ethan tugged the two cases up and set them down on the floor of the kitchen. Mrs. Ripley opened a bottle and smelled of it like a cautious cat.

  "Ugh! Merciful sakes, what stuff! It ain't fit f'r a hog to take. What'd you think you was goin'to do with it?" she asked in poignant disgust.

  "I expected to take it—if I was sick. Whaddy ye s'pose?" He defiantly stood his ground, towering above her like a leaning tower.

  "The hull cartload of it?"

  "No. I'm goin' to sell part of it an' git me an overcoat"——

  "Sell it!" she shouted. "Nobuddy'll buy that sick'nin' stuff but an old numbskull like you. Take that slop out o' the house this minute! Take it right down to the sink-hole an' smash every bottle on the stones."

  Uncle Ethan and the cases of medicine disappeared, and the old woman addressed her concluding remarks to little Tewksbury, her grandson, who stood timidly on one leg in the doorway, like an intruding pullet.

  "Everything around this place 'ud go to rack an' ruin if I didn't keep a watch on that soft-pated old dummy. I thought that lightenin'-rod man had give him a lesson he'd remember, but no, he must go an' make a reg'lar"——

  She subsided in a tumult of banging pans, which helped her out in the matter of expression and reduced her to a grim sort of quiet. Uncle Ethan went about the house like a convict on shipboard. Once she caught him looking out of the window.

  "I should think you'd feel proud o' that."

  Uncle Ethan had never been sick a day in his life. He was bent and bruised with never-ending toil, but he had nothing especial the matter with him.

  He did not smash the medicine, as Mrs. Ripley commanded, because he had determined to sell it. The next Sunday morning, after his chores were done, he put on his best coat of faded diagonal, and was brushing his hair into a ridge across the center of his high, narrow head, when Mrs. Ripley came in from feeding the calves.

  "Where you goin' now?"

  "None o' your business," he replied. "It's darn funny if I can't stir without you wantin' to know all about it. Where's Tewky?"

  "Feedin' the chickens. You ain't goin' to take him off this mornin' now! I don't care where you go."

  "Who's a-goin' to take him off? I ain't said nothin' about takin' him off."

  "Wall, take y'rself off, an' if y' ain't here f'r dinner, I ain't goin' to get no supper."

  Ripley took a water-pail and put four bottles of "the bitter" into it, and trudged away up the road with it in a pleasant glow of hope. All nature seemed to declare the day a time of rest, and invited men to disassociate ideas of toil from the rustling green wheat, shining grass, and tossing blooms. Something of the sweetness and buoyancy of all nature permeated the old man's work-calloused body, and he whistled little snatches of the dance tunes he played on his fiddle.

  But he found neighbor Johnson to be supplied with another variety of bitter, which was all he needed for the present. He qualified his refusal to buy with a cordial invitation to go out and see his shotes, in which he took infinite pride. But Uncle Ripley said: "I guess I'll haf t' be goin'; I want 'o git up to Jennings' before dinner."

  He couldn't help feeling a little depressed when he found Jennings away. The next house along the pleasant lane was inhabited by a "new-comer." He was sitting on the horse-trough, holding a horse's halter, while his hired man dashed cold water upon the galled spot on the animal's shoulder.

  After some preliminary talk Ripley presented his medicine.

  "Hell, no! What do I want of such stuff? When they's anything the matter with me, I take a lunkin' ol' swig of popple-bark and bourbon. That fixes me."

  Uncle Ethan moved off up the lane. He hardly felt like whistling now. At the next house he set his pail down in the weeds beside the fence, and went in without it. Doudney came to the door in his bare feet, buttoning his suspenders over a clean boiled shirt. He was dressing to go out.

  "Hello, Ripley. I was just goin' down your way. Jest wait a minute an' I'll be out."

  When he came out fully dressed, Uncle Ethan grappled him. "Say, what d' you think o' paytent med"——

  "Some of 'em are boss. But y' want 'o know what y're gitt'n'."

  "What d' ye think o' Dodd's"——

  "Best in the market."

  Uncle Ethan straightened up and his face lighted. Doudney went on:

  "Yes, sir; best bitter that ever went into a bott
le. I know, I've tried it. I don't go much on patent medicines, but when I get a good"——

  "Don't want 'o buy a bottle?"

  Doudney turned and faced him.

  "Buy! No. I've got nineteen bottles I want 'o sell." Ripley glanced up at Doudney's new granary and there read "Dodd's Family Bitters." He was stricken dumb. Doudney saw it all and roared.

  "Wal, that's a good one! We two tryin' to sell each other bitters. Ho—ho—ho—har, whoop! wal, this is rich! How many bottles did you git?"

  "None o' your business," said Uncle Ethan, as he turned and made off, while Doudney screamed with merriment.

  On his way home Uncle Ethan grew ashamed of his burden. Doudney had canvassed the whole neighborhood, and he practically gave up the struggle. Everybody he met seemed determined to find out what he had been doing, and at last he began lying about it.

  "Hello, Uncle Ripley, what y' got there in that pail?"

  "Goose eggs f'r settin'."

  He disposed of one bottle to old Gus Peterson. Gus never paid his debts, and he would only promise fifty cents "on tick" for the bottle, and yet so desperate was Ripley that this quasi sale cheered him up not a little.

  As he came down the road, tired, dusty and hungry, he climbed over the fence in order to avoid seeing that sign on the barn, and slunk into the house without looking back.

  He couldn't have felt meaner about it if he had allowed a Democratic poster to be pasted there.

  The evening passed in grim silence, and in sleep he saw that sign wriggling across the side of the barn like boa-constrictors hung on rails. He tried to paint them out, but every time he tried it the man seemed to come back with a sheriff, and savagely warned him to let it stay till the year was up. In some mysterious way the agent seemed to know every time he brought out the paint-pot, and he was no longer the pleasant-voiced individual who drove the calico ponies.